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We had so much fun cruising to Noumea on the Diamond Queen that we thought we'd go again - this time to New Zealand. 
This is a good opportunity for newer folk to become involved with little pressure, working as crew, passengers and helping with the set changes.

The script is in its infancy so if you would like to be involved NOW IS THE TIME to show an expression of interest and join the seasoned cruisers in yet another very funny play.




by Peter Schaffer

Brindsley Miller :  A sculptor, intelligent and attractive but nervous and uncertain of himself.

Carol Melkett :  His fiancee.  Very pretty, very spoiled, very silly.  Her sound is that unmistakable, terrifying deb quack.

Miss Furnival :  A middle-aged lady.  Prissy and refined.  Clad in the blouse and sack skirt of her gentility, her hair in a bun, her voice in a bun, she reveals only the repressed gestures of the middle-class spinster ... until alcohol undoes her.

Colonel Melkett :  Carol's commanding father.  Brisk, barky, yet given to sudden vocal calms which suggest a deep and alarming instability.  It is not only the constant darkness which gives him his look of wide-eyed suspicion.

Harold Gorringe :  The bachelor owner of an antique-china shop and Brindsley's neighbour, Harold comes from the north of England.  His friendship is highly conditional and possessive:  sooner or later, payment for it will be asked.  A specialist in emotional blackmail, he can become hysterical when slighted, or (as inevitably happens) rejected.  He is older than Brindsley

Schuppanzigh :  A German refugee, cultivated and effervescent.  He is an entirely happy man, delighted to be in England, even if this means being employed full time by the London Electricity Board.

Clea :  Brindsley's ex-mistress.  Dazzling, emotional, bright and mischievous.

Georg Bamberger :  An elderly millionaire art collector, easily identifiable as such.  Like the Electrician, he is a German.

ONSTAGE September/October 2017



A very funny play indeed.  It begins in complete darkness.  Brindsley Miller, a sculptor and his finacee, Carol Melkett, have stolen some very expensive antiques from his neighbour Harold Gorringe, who is away for the weekend, to spruce up his normally slum-like apartment in order to impress Carol's father and a wealthy prospective buyer named Georg Bamberger. 
Before the guests arrive, a fuse in the cellar short-circuits causing a blackout.  The stage is instantly illuminated.

As Brindley and Carol search for matches, the phone rings and Brindley answers.  It is his previous mistress Clea, who has just returned from Finland.  Brindsley hurriedly distracts Carol and refuses to see Clea.

Miss Furnival, the occupant of the flat upstairs, enters seeking refuge from her fear of the dark.  Miss Furnival is a spinster and lifelong teetotaler.  They ring the London Electricity Board, but are told only that an electrician might arrive sometime later that night.

When Carol's father, Colonel Melkett, arrives he takes an almost instant dislike to Brindsley and is unimpressed with one of his sculptures - a large work in iron.

Harold Gorringe returns from his weekend early.  Brindsley quickly pulls Harold into the flat so that he will not go into his own and discover the thievery.  In the dark, Harold does not realise that the room is full of his own things.  As Carol blindly mixes everyone drinks, Brindsley attempts to restore as much of the stolen furniture to Harold's flat as possible.

There is a mix-up as Carol hands out the drinks in the dark and Miss Furnival is given liquor by mistake.  She is hooked after her first taste and stealthily procures more.  Harold discovers Brindsley and Carol's engagement and is furious at the news.  It is obvious that he himself has secret feelings for Brindsley.

Clea enters unannounced.  In the confusion, Brindsley catches hold of her bottom and instantly recognises it.  He manages to retreat with her to the loft where his desperate pleas that she leave dissolve into passionate kisses.  When she refuses to go, he concedes that she can stay in the loft if she will not come downstairs.

The electrician, a German named Schuppanzigh, arrives to mend the fuse and everyone excitedly mistakes him for Bamberger.  The electrician, with his lit torch, catches sight of the sculpture and is extremely impressed.  Schuppanzigh, who was highly educated in art at Heidelberg, praises Brindsley's work with great eloquence.  Just as the statue seems on the verge of being sold for five hundred guineas, they realise who he really is.  The group turns on him in indignation and Schuppanzeigh is cast down to the cellar to mend the fuse.

Clea emerges from the loft and discovers Brindsley's engagement.  Outraged, she dashes Vodka over the startled guests.  When Clea reveals herself, Carol is horrified.  But her hysterics are interrupted by Miss Furnival who, completely inebriated and lost in a world of her own fears, erupts into a drunken tirade, ranting on the terrors of the modern supermarket, calling to her dead father and prophesying a judgement day when "the heathens in their leather jackets" will be "stricken from their motocycles".  She is led out by a consoling Harold.  Carol breaks off the engagement and the Colonel is livid.

When Harold discovers the state of his room, he returns to Brindsley's flat mad with fury.  He pulls one of the metal prongs out of the statue and advances on him.  The Colonel follows suit, pulling out the other prong and together they advance on the terrified sculptor.

Now, finally, Georg Bamberger arrives.  This time, the guests mistake the millionaire for the electrician, until Schuppanzigh emerges from the cellar and declares that the fuse is fixed.  The startled guests realise that Bamberger has, at long last, arrived and Brindsley exclaims happily "everything's all right now!  Just in the nick of time!"  But just as he says this, Bamberger falls into the open trapdoor.  As Harold, Colonel Melkett and Carol advance on Brindsley and Clea, Schuppanzigh turns on the lights with a great flourish. There is instant darkness.